I woke up this morning to the alarm at 6:45. I had been debating on whether to get up at this point all night. I started doing a work-out program (P90X) with Kia and her family (mom, brother and his wife) this week. It’s been kicking my butt. Kia is a little more committed than I am (from the beginning). So she got up…I didn’t.
When she got up she got ready, and then came and leaned over the bed and said “Happy Anniversary.” I had one of those “Oh yeah” moments. I really do remember stuff like this and it didn’t sneak up on me or surprise me, but I hadn’t thought about it being our anniversary today. Honestly, I’ve been marking today as the one week countdown to the girls going back to school and Chilton starting preschool (again…it’s a story for another post).
So, she left and I started thinking about this being the day that marks us having been married 14 years. Wow, that’s a long time. I’ve been married all my adult life for the most part (got married at 21). I can’t imagine living life any other way. I think of all the other things that I could have done, but nothing really seems as nice or fulfilling. 14 years is a long time – that’s an 8th grader. An 8th grader is almost grown up and out of the house.
Our marriage is now solidly in adolescence, and I honestly don’t think we’ve ever been in a better place. We communicate about so much more than we ever have (honestly at least), we seem to be heading in the same way and at the same time, we love each other and our kids, we’re committed to one another and each other’s goals and passions.
So, I don’t have a lot to pass on if you are looking for the 5 keys to a solid marriage or something. I could probably come up with some, but I need to think about that. But I do have two things that I’ll share.
First, about 5 or 6 years ago Kia and I went to a marriage retreat that was sponsored by our church. It was held in the Rocky Mountain National Park (right outside of it really). It was beautiful and we learned some good stuff. Don’t be fooled though – marriage retreats aren’t any kind of saving grace, the couple we went with is now divorced – life happens. None the less, the best piece of information and the thing that was worth it for me to hear was this one little truth. Commit to yourself and (out loud) to your spouse that you will never, ever, under any circumstances get a divorce. I’m not exactly sure what it is, but there is power in that statement. It means that you really are committed to one another, that there is no “chicken exit” and you will work to fix one another.
Second, make time for each other. Just each other. Now having 4 kids, Kia and I are definitely struggling with that – man is it hard to pawn off 4 children for a weekend! But I would encourage anyone who needs some time to check out the ONE conference by Jeff and Julia Woods. Jeff and Julia are great friends and really believe in helping people walk through their marriage commitments (photographers especially). It’s tough to be in business for yourself, work with your spouse, and make everything work. The conference is fairly inexpensive, and you’ll hear from some great people about juggling business, life and marriage (including Kia and I!). It’s coming up pretty soon – September 21-23, but figure it out. You’ll be glad you did.
Well, Kia (as if she is reading this), thank you for a wonderful 14 years and I look forward to another 40 with you. I love you.
Andy, Happy 14th! Our 13th was Monday, the 10th and it is interesting to see the differences and read your thoughts.
Steve was 43 when we got married and I was 31 so we had had some life before coming together. I am Steve’s last marriage (no need to go into numbers) and he is my only marriage. It has been said out loud so many times that there will be no divorce just death and hopefully that will be later than sooner. And I agree, I think this may have made a difference.
We don’t have kiddos – we joked that the biz is our kid(s) because it wakes me up at all hours and won’t leave the house and I really wish I could move it (the biz) out of the house. But we find ourselves challenged of what to talk about when we aren’t wrapped up in the biz.
So thanks for the personal recommendation, I have seen the One conference and thought about it. We’ll be seeing you guys at the Sept Family Circle and will have to see if we can balance everything to make it work.
Congrats on 14 years.
thank you. I can definitely see what you mean about the biz being your child. I guess you could say we have a 5th (or really a 6th and 7th) child to look after.
Look forward to seeing you guys in September.