What to do when a dream dies.

As a kid I loved baseball.

You might assume that soccer was my favorite sport growing up. I do love soccer, but it wasn’t my first love; that place was reserved for baseball. I remember lying in bed each night tossing a ball in the air dreaming of being the next star of the KC Royals (laugh, but the Royals were a great once).

It didn’t happen. I was a decent player. I was fast, could hit and was a good fielder with a strong-arm. My problem came in the 7th grade – one word: curveball. Before the 7th grade, throwing a curveball was not allowed, so I never had to worry about it.

If you’ve never tried to hit a curveball, imagine a baseball hurling toward your head. As you dive to avoid sure head trauma, the ball drops over the plate for a strike. Adding insult to injury imagine the umpire yell strike as you sit on your backside wondering how the ball did that.

My coach worked with me to help detect the spin of the ball, allowing me to pick up on whether the pitch would break or not. It didn’t happen. I remember one night him pitching one curve right after another. He pitched until his arm almost fell off. I could never see the rotation signaling a curveball.

The ultimate low point came toward the end of the season during the last inning of a tied game. Our team was at bat, and the bases were loaded. I was due up, but there were 2 outs. My coach chose to pinch hit for me.

We won, but I was done. After that season, I never played baseball again. My dream was dead.

When your dream dies.

My re-telling of the story hopefully sounds as dramatic as it was for me. I don’t think a dream dying is any less painful at 13 than it is at 33, 53 or 103. The death of dream hurts. It always has. Since that time I’ve seen other dreams come and go – both personally and professionally. I can’t say that those hurt any more than the one at 13.

That 7th grade experience and the subsequent decisions I made are a great picture of what to do when you watch a dream die (even at 13 years old). Here are a few things I did and continue to do when I’m disappointed with my dreams.

Mourn

I would not have described the intense sadness I felt that evening and the next few weeks as mourning, but it was what I was doing. Deep down I realized the dream was gone, and I needed to allow it to be dead.

When a dream dies it takes with it all the time, energy and emotion you invested into it over weeks, months and years. Take your time and don’t rush it. Allow your spirit, that has been crushed, the opportunity to heal.

Relax

As a kid, taking it easy after the loss of something important is easier than as an adult. One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in later years is rushing from one dream to the next.

At the time, it may feel right to move on quickly; it may help you forget the old dream. If you don’t allow yourself room to reflect on the past and meditate about the future you will find yourself in situations that will feel like déjà vu (all over again).

Embrace new dreams

Finally, after you’ve mourned a past dream(s) and given yourself a little room to breathe; dream again. As an adult, this can be the hardest step – especially if you have suffered multiple disappointments in a row.

Here’s the catch, if you don’t allow yourself to dream again, if you suppress visions you have for your life, you won’t be able to move forward. You won’t allow yourself to see new possibilities for you, your business, and your family. You’ll end up emotionally, spiritually and even physically ill.

When my baseball dream died 20+ years ago, my dreams for soccer picked up. The dreams were different. It didn’t include money (there wasn’t a lot of mainstream American soccer players making loads of money at that time anyway). It did end up feeding my passion to passing on the game to my kids and others.

Do you have a dream that is dead? How have you moved on?