Multiple times over the last 10 years my family has traveled across the border of the US to Mexico to build homes for the homeless. The community we travel to is right next to the Rio Grande (also the US border), and this neighborhood is built around the city dump. This is some of the poorest of the poor.
Each of us on the trip is faced with a vital question. It’s not usually spoken out loud, but it is understood based on chasm between those building the homes (mostly middle-class Americans) and those having a home built for (Mexicans). Most of the builders have a wealth of resources – money, free time, education, solid jobs, stability. The ones we build for lack most of these resources. So, the question asked internally is this:
“How do I value life?”
How to value life.
Most times, this is easy to answer. We value the life of the people we know and love. But what about the life of the random person I meet on the street? Or the person/people group I hear about on the news? How about the person who is truly an enemy – our antagonist? Or the person who isn’t my direct enemy, but he represents my enemy?
How do I value their life?
Learn from King David
The great King David faced this question long before he became king of Israel. His answer is part of what made him such a good king. It happened during his exile by his predecessor, King Saul. Saul was petty and jealous. Saul didn’t like the reports of how the average Israelite began to favor David over himself. King Saul also knew it was destined for David to be king. Because of this, Saul was afraid of what David represented, so he drove David out of the country.
That wasn’t enough, because Saul really wanted David dead. So on multiple occasions, Saul went on hunts in the wilderness to kill David. It was on one of these expeditions that David showed what it means to value life – not just speak the right words, but do the right thing too.
During the hunt, Saul narrowed down David’s location to certain hillside. David became aware of Saul’s presence, so he went with a few of his men to investigate the situation. That night, David snuck into Saul’s camp and walked directly up to a sleeping Saul. In the ground nearby was Saul’s spear – the perfect opportunity for David to take care of this thorn in his side.
David valued the life of his enemy.
This was the moment. It was the opportunity for David to demonstrate what it meant to him to value life – all life.
David refused to kill (or even touch) Saul. David valued Saul’s life.
After moving to a safe distance, David called out to Saul. David showed Saul the spear and the water jug that were next to Saul. This is what David spoke to Saul in that exchange:
“The Lord gives his own reward for doing good and for being loyal, and I refused to kill you even when the Lord placed you in my power, for you are the Lord’s anointed one. Now may the Lord value my life, even as I have valued yours today. May he rescue me from all my troubles.”
–1 Samuel 26:23-24 NLT
David valued the life of Saul. It’s a challenge to you and I to value the lives of those in our world. So, how do we have this same level of care for those who we don’t know, or worse, we are at issue with? How do we value their lives like David did Saul’s?
4 Ways to Value Life
During this passage, David does four things to value the life of his enemy, Saul.
1. Look and Listen
“David slipped over to Saul’s camp one night to look around. Saul and Abner son of Ner, the commander of his army, were sleeping inside a ring formed by the slumbering warriors.”
-1 Samuel 26:5 NLT
The reason David had the opportunity to spare Saul’s life was because he went into the camp to investigate. David went to look and listen to what was being done and said. What David saw in the sleeping Saul was a vulnerable, weak human being.
More often than not, when we take the time to look and listen to the people around us, we will see weak, vulnerable people. At times they will exhibit strength, but at the heart, they are weak and vulnerable. We all are.
If we can go a step further by spending time talking to people and truly listening to them, then we will really hear their brokenness. Two things make this approach difficult — the humility to ask an enemy to talk and the self-control to keep our mouths closed.
Will you take some time to look and listen to the person you are at odds with?
2. Exhibit Empathy
When David saw Saul sleeping, he exhibited empathy to Saul. David felt what Saul felt. When David comes upon Saul, he his this exchange with the soldier accompanying him:
“Surely the Lord will strike Saul down someday, or he will die of old age or in battle. The Lord forbid that I should kill the one he has anointed! But take his spear and that jug of water beside his head, and then let’s get out of here!”
-1 Samuel 26:10-11 NLT
For David, there is a genuine fear of God and His anointing, but I think David is also putting himself in Saul’s shoes 40 years down the road. David sees himself as king, hated by some enemy. Will that enemy strike him down in his sleep? Is this what David wants for himself?
Empathy is stepping into the shoes of another person — feeling what they feel. I’ve had many moments of empathy in my life, but the most striking was standing on the Mexican side of the Rio Grande. I looked across to the opposite bank, a tangle of brush and weeds, but those weeds represented the land of the free and the home of the brave. 100 yards away sat hope and freedom.
I felt what it felt like to be a poor, desperate immigrant hoping to find their way into America. I still believe in strong border security and a smart immigration policy, but I also feel the plight of person dreaming of becoming an American. It helps me to value them as people worth fighting to find a solution to the immigration problem. It gives me a reason to seek for their comfort as this stand on the Mexican side of that border.
Can you step into the shoes of your enemy, and feel what they feel?
3. Drop Defenses
When David found Saul in the camp, choose to spare his life, and took his spear and water jug, he left. In the camp, David doesn’t defend himself, nor did he go on the offensive. When David left the camp he didn’t work to defend his current or past actions. David asks questions – “Why?” — but he doesn’t attempt to defend any action. He doesn’t accuse Saul either.
“But now let my Lord the king listen to his servant. If the Lord has stirred you up against me, then let him accept my offering. But if this is simply a human scheme, then may those involved be cursed by the Lord…”
-1 Samuel 26:19 NLT
If we really want to value people who don’t sit on the same side of the fence as us (on any issue), then we must choose to drop our defenses. We don’t need to excuse our choices, and we don’t need to blame their decisions. Drop the spear that is the tip of your tongue.
Are you willing to drop your defenses as you engage with your enemy?
A bit of warning, you’ll need a heavy dose of the last point.
4. Have Humility
David’s entire attitude during this event is one of humility. In other words, his thought was, “It’s not about me.” When David was at his best, this is the attitude he lived with. David understood he was a servant of God who was called to act with the needs of others first.
If we are going to look and listen, have empathy or drop our defenses, we must lead with humility. This isn’t about me, but it’s about what is best for the people I serve. So, maybe you should stop and ask the question, “Who do I serve?” Here is my list.
I serve God.
I serve my wife
I serve my kids.
I serve my family.
I serve my church (job).
I serve my church (spiritual family).
I serve my tribe.
I serve my nation.
i serve my world.
As I serve each of those people or groups of people, I have to say, “It’s not about me.” I need to be aware of my thoughts and feelings, but it begins with service first. It allows me to look and listen. This attitude helps me exhibit empathy. I am able to drop my defenses when I have humility.
You will need this humility because your enemy will most likely not fight fair. Saul didn’t. Your enemy won’t either.
Will you lead with humility?
Value Life: Is this your last chance?
This is the last recorded interaction between Saul and David. Saul truly does stop chasing David. David continues to wait for God to open the door to the throne of Israel. It was last time David ever saw Saul, and David proved how he valued life…even the life of his enemy.
Imagine yourself and the one you are at odds with. If your last interaction with them is your final you’ll ever have, is it how you want to remember the situation? Will you be proud of your words and actions? Did you value their life?
I pray you will have the opportunity for another interaction with them. During that encounter, I challenge you to look and listen. I call you up to exhibit empathy. Will you drop your defenses? I remind you to lead with humility.
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